Identity Crisis
by In-betweens
Summary: Cat Grant knew what she was doing was wrong while Kara Zor El Danvers was never more frightened in her life. SuperCat Week entry for 'Fake Dating'.


**Title** : Identity Crisis  
 **Author** : InBetweens  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any characters borrowed from Supergirl. I do however up on to all the grammatical mistakes of this story.  
 **Plot:** Cat Grant knew what she was doing was wrong while Kara Zor El Danvers was never more frightened in her life. SuperCat Week entry for 'Fake Dating'.

 **-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

It was wrong.

From the very beginning Cat knew what she was doing was wrong. But Cat Grant was no saint. Some thought she was the devil incarnate herself. If having needs meant she was the second coming, then so be it. Cat had needs that many a man and woman had helped fulfilled in her lifetime. Sometimes those needs, those honest to god desires, were so strong that she could not help but give in. Even when she knew it was wrong.

And it _was_ wrong. So **very** wrong.

Cat Grant was not as aloof and cold as she would make the populace believe through her many media outlets. She cared, deeply. So deeply that she had been traumatized by heartbreak more times than was would have liked to admit. Her heart was nothing but a patch job at this point. There were chips in the corners and frayed edges, a few pin prick holes in the cartilage and one or two gaping holes. Pain, heart ache, they were a friend that Cat Grant wished would stop calling.

There were only five heart breaks that really mattered. The others were present but left far less scar tissue behind.

First there was Stacy, she was gorgeous, the type of beauty that everyone envied. She wasn't supermodel worthy but she had sleek cheek bones, a dazzling smile and blue eyes that sparkled even in the dark. Stacy was not exactly popular, but she was part of the 'in' crowd at Stella's All Girls Academy. Her outward beauty masked an inner ugliness that no parent or teacher would ever suspect lay beneath such elegant pose. She was Cat's first crush (and she was her last female crush for ten years). Stacy thought it would be fun to play with Cat's feelings.

Stacy made Cat trust her, made her feel safe, and cared about only to have it all pulled out from under her. There was no silver lining or happy ending, no grand apology or heartfelt confession after the fact. There was just tears and years of ridicule that followed Cat until she crossed the stage with a diploma in hand and never looked back. After Stacy, Cat swore she'd never trust another girl with her heart but she never could have seen the woman whom swooped in ten years later.

Before the woman who stole her heart there was Marcus, Adam's father. Marcus was an attractive man, smart, driven, and charming. He had a taste of Midwest chivalry in his blood and a twang to his voice that enchanted Cat when he spoke. He was an intellectual. He was sweet. He was older and she thought he was everything she wanted. When it came to Marcus the heart break was two fold, and she broke her own heart. She wasn't ready for the love and cherishment that Marcus was willing and able to give her. He was clearly devoted to her and the child she gifted them both. His eyes were always so full of love, even in the end. At the time Cat wasn't ready to give up on her dreams. Marcus had lived. He had seen the world, accomplished his dreams. He wanted to settle down with her and Adam. But Cat. She was only twenty, driven and thirsty for more than the life in Opal City Marcus was content with. She had a destiny that far out reached staying home as a stay at home mother, so she left Marcus and broke his perfect little dream when she did.

Adam, although he was unlike all of the others on this list, held one of the latest holes within her heart. He did not cause the hole. She did. Which is why the ache and wound had never healed and would never scab over enough to scar like the others. Cat was her own worst enemy. Adam, the young boy she left behind to build a career for herself in Metropolis, National City, and the world at large was her biggest regret. Leaving him behind to achieve her dreams was the hardest things she's ever had to do. She could delude herself all she wanted, she would always feel guilty for leaving him behind—even if it was best for them both.

It was five years after leaving Opal City that Cat's second greatest love found her. Lois Lane; her arch nemesis. She would never tell a soul just how much her heart once belonged to Lois. It was easier to pretend that she hated Lois than admit that even to this day a part of her heart still cared deeply for the abrasive, strong willed, intelligent brunette. Before there was a Lois and Clark, there was Lois and Cat. They were practically inseparable for years. They were two strong willed women fighting their way into and through a male dominated field. It wasn't Lois' fault, or Cat's fault, that they started to drift apart. It was a natural occurrence. It happens to the best of lovers sometimes, because sometimes they're not both in the same place. Or, of course, they were in the same physical place but one of their hearts was slowly won by the Smallville farmboy from Kansas. It broke Cat's heart to realize that Lois was slowly slipping through her fingers. But what was she to do? Lois had always been very clear, she never planned to 'settle down' with a woman. Cat should have always known it was temporary, but she'd allowed herself to be deluded, like the young love-sick rose colored glasses-naive woman she was and always had been. And so…she let Lois go. Not necessarily by _her_ choice.

Lois broke her heart in many ways, but she also helped Cat harden her heart and focus more resolutely on her dreams. Dreams that she saw become a reality by any means necessary, even cutting ties with Lois—who she'd never truly forgiven for picking Clark—even if they were good for each other. Besides, Cat met Carter's father because of her break up with Lois, so in a way, she was thankful for Lois and Clark breaking her heart. If Lois hadn't cheated on her with Clark and subsequently broken it off with her, she wouldn't have the light of her life: Carter.

Carter's father on the other hand, Jonathan, was just another one of those select few with the power to leave a perfect indentation of where her love for him once was in her heart. Jonathan didn't really have a chance, not really. Cat had been so broken, broken down to the very bone, before him that she was too rigid, too stiff, too fearful and mistrusting. So, she may not have opened up to him in the ways that she should have, in the ways that had gotten her hurt in the past. The men in the world wouldn't blame him for his decision to look elsewhere for the fulfillment of the needs that Cat could not fill for him. Cat, on the other hand, blamed him completely. He just proved her right, all her fears and mistrusts were validated by his actions. (Self-fulfilling prophecy had nothing to do with it!).

Jonathan was the last 'real' heartache Cat had faced, his wound healed over quickly—especially after she dragged him through the mud when he tried to take Carter from her. She had full custody, he got visitation rights—which is all he deserved in the first place, the fucker. Still, it had been six years since she'd divorced Jonathan. Six years was a long time to be 'alone'.

Which is where the six or seven pin-pricks on her heart came in. She casually dated. Casually was easy. There was no commitment, no declarations, no expectations. One or two phone calls when the urges arose to have dinner and a night out with an adult that could help scratch an itch otherwise unreachable by herself-sometimes. It was what it was, and Cat liked it that way.

Which is why she knew what she was doing was wrong.

There were expectations, there were _feelings_ involved. Cat wanted to make declarations. She wanted to make commitments. She wanted to proclaim emotional tethers and have anchors dug in for all the world to witness. She just didn't want to make any of those proclamations to her _**current**_ lover.

See, Cat Grant was a smart woman. She was also a very protective woman—of herself and of the people she cared about. When that protection overlapped—when she had to protect the people she cared about from herself—she often was self-sacrificing. She would accept the painful torment of being without those she loved rather than risk their vulnerable, precious, hearts. (See Adam for example).

No one would ever suspect she would do this, that she was the type of person to sacrifice herself for others, but she was. Which was probably why she admired Supergirl so much. Here was a woman who was able and willing to sacrifice her own life to save others, to put herself at risk to save people she cared about—and she seemed to care about everyone. Including Cat. _Especially_ Cat.

Cat Grant was a grown woman with needs. Needs that hadn't been met in almost nine months. Supergirl outed herself to the world—with Cat's expert help—four months ago. Cat had come to know Supergirl in that time. Supergirl was everything this city needed in a hero; she was kind and generous, strong, intelligent, moral, just, and loveable. Cat helped make the entire city love Supergirl, because she herself was in love with Supergirl's alter ego—Kara Danvers. Creating the perfect image of Supergirl was easy when Kara did all the hard work, Cat just made sure the coverage was fair. She questioned Kara when she needed it, made her push and strive to be better, to think faster, to do more. It was their role of mentor and apprentice, just outside of the walls of CatCo. Cat wanted the world for Kara, and she felt she could give it to her—as long as she did so under the pretenses of giving it to Supergirl.

Kara Danvers would never survive the media onslaught of being linked to Cat Grant romantically, not young, gullible, innocent Kara Danvers. So Cat gave in to her desires for Kara when the young woman identified as someone else, someone the media could never question Cat about taking advantage of. Supergirl was superhuman, she had super human everything whereas Cat's relationship with her much younger assistant—who worked under her—could easily be misconstrued for vileness. It would all be false of course. Cat loved Kara, more than she could ever admit to the young woman while she was dressed as herself. But when she wore that cape and her chest was emblazoned with the symbol of her House…Cat could tell her everything she'd ever wanted to tell her. She could do.. _everything_ …she'd wanted to do to her, touch her and kiss her in places and ways that Cat had been fantasizing about for nine months.

She knew it was wrong; pretending not to know that Kara was Supergirl. She knew it was putting a strain on her relationship with Kara Danvers by sleeping with Supergirl. Wining and Dinning Supergirl. It was so cute how flustered the hero had become when she realized that Cat asked to meet her at the most romantic restaurant in the city and Cat had 'rented' it out for the duration. It was an uphill battle to convince the Kryptonian that Cat was genuinely interested in her for who she actually was, not who Cat thought her to be.

Being seen in the papers with Supergirl on her arm as they left a restaurant or attended a gathering together was the latest to do. Their latest outing had been at a gala where Cat had introduced Supergirl to all the movers and shakers of National City. Supergirl had charmed them all, just as Cat knew she could. After all, beneath that supersuit was her gorgeous, generous, genuine, Kara.

It was wrong, but it was the only way to keep Kara Danvers safe and still allow Cat to express herself for the young woman. It was safe to love the hero while pretending not to love the girl. It was only easy because Kara Danvers, the girl behind the hero had held Cat's affection and desire and devotion for a year. The hero was the identity that benefited from that devotion but not nearly as much as Cat benefited from the fortuitous situation.

Kara must think her blind and dumb to not have recognized her immediately. Even as she stood on the wing of that plane, Cat had known. How Kara thought she wouldn't recognize her when she temporarily kidnapped her and her car...was beyond her. Cat could pull Kara out of a sea of two thousand people within seconds. She was just that attuned to the younger woman—just like Kara was attuned to her.

Then Cat had to go and open her mouth. She had to tell Kara to take off her glasses, to give in to her stronger more emotional desires...rather than the carnal ones she and Supergirl gave into often...on the balcony, in her town car, in Cat's bedroom, hotel rooms, the where didn't matter. Once Supergirl realized Cat was serious about their 'relationship'. Cat had to argue with the alien till she understood that Cat wanted her, with or without the publicity. They could pretend to hate each other or never be seen together again if it made Supergirl more comfortable. Cat insisted that she didn't want Supergirl just because she was a hero, Cat wanted Supergirl for who she actually was, the woman beneath the hero.

That speech had seemingly won Kara over and they hadn't looked back. Cat knew every inch of Kara's body. She knew where Kara's soft spots were, she knew the taste of Kara's salty toned skin, her tongue, the way her muscles rippled as she used her mouth...just...right.

Everything was perfect. Until Cat opened her mouth and ruined the perfectly (somewhat) acceptable arrangement they had going.

It had always been wrong and Cat just hadn't cared.

Until now.

Now, as she sat on her couch in her office surrounded by piles of work that needed to get done before she could go home and see her son and was staring at two very separate, different, people, she knew she had been very _very_ wrong.

Cat felt her heart race against her chest in a painful throb. Her eyes looking swiftly between the two figures in her office. Watching them shake hands, greet each other. Kara fiddling with her glasses and Supergirl standing with her arms crossed over her chest-a defensive and nervous stance of the super heroines that Cat had learned.

Kara stood in front of her with her beautiful awkward nervous smile and Supergirl, her strong well-muscled lover, stood right beside each other when they should have been one in the same.

Cat swallowed thickly and felt incredibly sick to her stomach.

As Cat felt her heart stutter to a painful halt. She knew she had been wrong in more ways than she gave herself credit for.

"I..." Cat was at a loss for words. She, she hardly knew what to do with herself.

Both Kara and Supergirl-who were two separate people who looked incredibly similar but were two different people-tilted their head in the same concerned way. Cat felt dizzy, nauseous.

"Miss Grant, are you alright?" Kara asked as she stepped around the table and took a seat next to Cat, their knees several inches away from each other, her hand inching closer, but it never reached Cat's leg.

Cat stood on unsteady feet and pulled her skirt down, her tug rough and far from classy. "I'm fine Kiera..." No. No she was not. She was going to be sick and she refused to let the woman she loved or the woman she was sleeping with because she though she was the woman she loved, see that. "Do see yourself out."

"But Miss Gran-..."

Cat ignored Kara, "I still expect you here bright and early. With my latte. Hot! Not the nuke warm as of late." There. Let the girl know she still had her job. Maybe that would make her leave so she would not witness Cat's shame and embarrassment.

Kara sighed, with relief or frustration Cat could not tell.

"If that's all. I am needed elsewhere." Supergirl tried to leave but Cat raced to stand in her path. If Kara stiffened by the couch as Cat's hand touched the House of El sigil on her chest, Cat didn't notice.

"Wait...wait..." Cat pleaded with her lover. A part of her wondered if she should be apologizing to Supergirl for thinking that she was Kara. Would the alien be insulted? Would she be angry with Cat? Want to end things between them?

A hundred and ten things began to run through Cat's mind as she held the flat of her palm against Supergirl's supersuit.

Supergirl tensed beneath the contact and looked both curious and frightened for a moment before a stony expression appeared upon her face.

Cat cringed at the lack of...what?...caring, yes caring, in Supergirl's eyes. It was as if her lover could not fathom why Cat would be touching her at all.

"We will need to talk."

"I believe we have finished our conversation for the evening Ms. Grant."

Cat's mouth went dry for a moment as her eyes flickered towards Kara...who hadn't left yet...back to stare into Supergirl's eyes. Eyes that were almost identical to Kara's but lacked something uniquely Kara. How could she ever think this woman was Kara?

It was in the eyes. But...Cat feels her mind tumble round and round, because she has stared into Supergirl's eyes and known without a doubt that she was staring into Kara's eyes. So what had changed? How was this possible? How could this be?!

"I would like to speak with you. Tonight." Cat whispered, turning her head just slightly enough to hide her lips from Kara's peering eyes and the girl's ability to read lips.

"I..."

"Please..." Cat begged, her fingers closing around Supergirl's suit.

Supergirl nodded her head once but wouldn't meet Cat's eyes. "Very well. Tonight."

"My penthouse." Cat implored. They have to talk. Cat needed to understand what just happened. She needed to understand how she could have been so wrong.

If Kara wasn't Supergirl then Cat had to let Supergirl go, she had to break up with a Kryptonian super heroine so she could be with her-apparently very human-assistant. All those worries about taking advantage of Kara and how the media would butcher Kara (and her, but her skin was far thicker than Kara's) were legitimate concerns, they always had been, but now they were concerns Cat herself had to truly consider. If Kara wasn't Supergirl, she wasn't a super powered alien from Krypton then...Cat was going to have to decide if hurting Kara was worth the love and happiness they could possibly share. If Kara would even have her after all of this.

Could have shared. Because how was Cat ever going to explain this to Kara? How was she going to explain this to Supergirl? How did one break up with a super human alien that could crush her or burn her into dust if she felt betrayed, insulted, enough?

"Yes, Ms. Grant. Now duty calls." Before Cat could say another word Supergirl was gone. Her eyes fluttered at the gust of wind left in the blonde's wake.

Cat sighed heavily and turned to stare out after the heroine who'd disappeared out through the balcony. Cat steeled herself for a moment and turned to talk to Kara, what she planned to say she didn't know. But she had to say something, didn't she? Apologize? Beg forgiveness? No. Cat could not do that. Kara was not hers. Apparently she never was. There was nothing to forgive. Not until she determined if Kara would ever be able to consider her a lover, a viable candidate to cherish and protect her heart, then perhaps she would need to apologize for her mistake. But as it stood the woman Cat had to apologize to and beg forgiveness was the woman who just flew away to save some hapless soul.

Cat felt dizzy. If Supergirl wasn't Kara, and Kara was not Supergirl, who was Supergirl beneath that suit? -Not physically, because Cat had seen every inch of what lay beneath that suit in all its splendid glory. What she did not know, what she had not seen apparently, was who Supergirl was beneath it all, emotionally, psychologically. Who was Supergirl if not Kara Danvers?

In all Cat's scheming she never accounted for the possibility that she could be wrong about Supergirl's identity, and she would hurt Supergirl, Kara, and herself, after trying so hard to protect them all.

"Kiera..." Cat looked to her left and found her office empty. Kara was already walking away from her desk towards the elevators her back towards Cat.

Cat's heart chipped and sank into her stomach, where it rocked about within the stormy seas of her nausea.

"Damn it...!" Cat exclaimed as she flopped back into her seat upon the couch. She tore off her glasses and tossed them onto the table in front of her.

Cat had known from the beginning what she was doing was wrong.

She just hadn't realized _how..._ wrong.


End file.
